Patrick Collison on what arguments are really about

The line I keep going back to from this: most disagreement is downstream of unstated differences in what the people involved think the conversation is actually about.

It fits a lot of the meetings I’ve been in. Two people aren’t arguing about the proposed thing; they’re arguing about which decision the proposed thing implicitly closes off. Usually one of them knows that and the other doesn’t.

The practical version: at the start of an important call, name the underlying question being decided. Often that question is the one worth answering, and the stated agenda is just how you get to it.

I don’t think this works past about three people in the room. At four, the unstated frame splits and you can’t negotiate it the same way. Worth trying.